CIVIL WAR BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE

WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.
==
HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
==
WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far
==
HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
==
WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you
================================================
Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC
No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor
He is designed to remain Silent indoor...
==
"Husband is one who is the head of the family,
but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."
==
A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
==
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!
Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever
==
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
==
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one every day.
==
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
==
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are..
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.
==
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push...! and the life goes on........

പിന്നെയും പിന്നെയും ..

കുറച്ചു നാള് ഈ ബ്ലോഗ്‌ എഴുത്ത് ഒക്കെ നിര്‍ത്തി സ്വസ്ഥമായി ഇരിക്കുവായിരുന്നു..അപ്പോളാണ് വീണു കിട്ടിയ ലീവില്‍ കേരളത്തില്‍ എത്തുന്നെ..നാട്ടില്‍ എത്തിയപ്പോള്‍ നാട്ടുകാരൊക്കെ പറയുന്നു ബ്ലോഗ്‌ വായിക്കാറുണ്ട് എന്താ ഇപ്പോള്‍ ഒന്നും എഴുതാതെ എന്ന് ?സത്യം പറഞ്ഞാല്‍ ഒന്ന് ഞെട്ടി അത് വരെ ഞാന്‍ ഓര്‍ത്തിരുന്നെ ഞാന്‍ എഴുതുന്നത്‌ ഞാന്‍ മാത്രമേ വായിക്കരുള്ളു എന്നാ . പിന്നെ  ആകെപാടെ  പേടിയായി ..ഈ കാലന്മാരോക്കെ ഇത് വായിക്കുന്നില്ലേ ?അപ്പോള്‍ പിന്നെ  നന്നായി എഴുതിയില്ലേ മോശമാകില്ലേ എന്ന് ..അങ്ങനെ ഞാന്‍ പിന്നെയും മടി പിടിച്ചിരിപ്പായി...പിന്നെ ആണ് ഞാന്‍ ഓര്‍ത്തെ എന്തിനാ അങ്ങനെ ഒക്കെ നോക്കുന്നെ ..എനിക്ക് തോന്നുന്നത് ഞാന്‍ എഴുത്തും ,വായിക്കാന്‍ സകര്യമുള്ളോര്‍ വായിച്ചാല്‍ മതി..എന്നാലും നിങ്ങള്‍ ഒക്കെ പറഞ്ഞപ്പോള്‍ ജാഡ ഇട്ടു ഇതൊക്കെ വലിയ കാര്യമാണോ എന്നാ ഭാവത്തില്‍ നിന്നാലും എനിക്ക് സംഗതി ഇഷ്ട്ടപെട്ടു കേട്ടോ ..നന്ദി ..അപ്പോള്‍ പിന്നെ പണി പിന്നെയും തുടങ്ങാന്‍ പോവാ ...ഇടക്കിടെ കാണാം

NO ARGUING A WIFE

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something
out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn't too
luxurious.

When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president's
secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They
obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.

Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle why he was so
interested in talking to her. She mentioned that in her teenage years, he
had been madly in love with her.

President Obama then said, " Oh, so if you had married him, you would now
be the owner of this lovely restaurant" , to which Michelle responded,
"No, if I had married him, he would now be the President"
,

Singh is King

One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach in America
.

 A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing?"

 Singh answered, "No, I am Banta Singh".
 

 Another guy came and asked the him the same
question.
 Singh answered, "No No Me Banta Singh!"

Third one came and asked him the same question again.
Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.

While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun.

   
He went up to him and asked, "Are you
Relaxing?"
  
 The other Singh was a
lot more educated and answered,"Yes, I am relaxing."

 The Singh slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid,
idiot.
 Everyone is looking for you and your are
sitting over here!"
   
   
 ************ ********* *******


A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly Saint Peter
told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances
in  education on earth. In order to gain admittance a
prospective heavenly soul,
he must answer two questions:

1.Name two days of the week that begin
with "T".

2.How many seconds are in a year?
   The
Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two
days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and 
Tomorrow.

2. There
are 12 seconds in a year.
 Saint Peter said, "OK,
I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer,
even  though it's not the answer I expected. But how did
you get 12  seconds in a year?"
The Singh replied,
"Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,etc..."

 Saint Peter lets him in without another word.


   
 ************ ********* ********
(3) Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all
around his living room.
    Jasmeet : "What are you searching for?"
    Santa : "Hidden cameras!"
    Jasmeet : "And what makes you
think that there are hidden cameras here?"
   
Santa : "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why
every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star
World Channel'. How does he know that?"
   
 
 
 ************ ********* ********

(4) Having lost his donkey a Singh, got down to his knees and started
thanking God.
  A passerby saw him and asked, "Your
donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?"

 The Singh replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to
it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I
would have been missing too."


            
************ ********* *********


(5) Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final
examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a
fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out
of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away
as well. His shirt,pant,socks and watch follow suit.


The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going
on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions here"! It
says here "Answer the following questions in brief".

     
************ ********* *********

(6) Two Singhs were sitting outside a clinic.One of them was crying like
hell. So the other asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one
said,"I came here for blood test" Second one asked, "So? Are
you afraid "
First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"
Hearing this the second one
started crying. The first one was astonished and asked the
other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
 
   
************ ********* *********


(7) A Singh goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to
wash hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager
comes running and asks him, "Mr. Singh, what are you doing?"
To this the man replies,

    "Oye, see the board here ---" Wash Basin ".

Think before you flirt out !!!!!!!!!!!!!

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke Without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party.As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and cupping a little feel here and a little kiss there.His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and
devoted his time to her.

She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat.Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.


She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening""You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.To which
the husband replied,


 "Actually, I gave my costume to my Boss, apparently he had the time of his life."

Some Laws.... Newton forgot!

  
Law of queue:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, yr nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Bath THEOREM:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW of the RESULT:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.  

THEATRE RULE:
People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE:
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.



The Last but not least...............

Law of Motion - 4th Law
  






"Loose Motion will never be Slow Motion" 

For you

You broke my heart on the phone


I could hear something wrong in your tone

Was it something that i done to make you leave

As because of the pain i started to bleed



This is why my heart feels so sad

As memories of the love we once had

Wasn't i worth a second chance to you

As no one will ever love you the way i do



Why the hurt and why the pain

Of what you started these tears remain

As when we first fell i couldn't believe

That someone like you could ever love me



Holding each other on that cold winters night

I do miss those days as when you was my angel of light

Like a torch to my heart then i feel the warmth of you

All these passing years and i lose sleep because of you



Please realize that my heart still sounds for you

After so many years the dreams i still have of you

If you could read my poem and hear my endless cry

Would you return or still say goodbye