Why India never gets to launch the missile ?????????????

During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile,



Soviet Satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in


less than 45 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way.



Recent studies commissioned by US department of Defense


included one on nuclear war between India and Pakistan:






This was the scenario....



The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India.



They don't need any permission from their government,

and promptly order the countdowns.



Indian technology is highly advanced.





In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak countdown

and decides to launch a missile in retribution.



But they need permission from the Government of India.



They submit their request to the Indian President.





The President forwards it to the Cabinet.





The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session.



The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests

by the opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely.



The President asks for a quick decision.



In the mean time,

the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure.





Their attempts for a re-launch are still on.



Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority

because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it.







The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.



As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote,

a caretaker government is installed.



The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear

missile.





But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government

cannot take such a decision because elections are at hand.



The Election Commission files Public Interest Litigation

in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power.



The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM,

and says the acting PM is authorized to take this decision

in view of the emergency facing the nation.



Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off,

but it fell 367 miles away from the target,

on its own government building in Islamabad at 11.00AM.



Fortunately there were no casualties

as no employee had reached the office that early.





In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached

somewhere in flight.



The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies

from China and USA .





The Indian Government, taking no chances,

decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own,

after convening an all-party meeting.





This time all the parties agree.



Its three months since the army had sought permission.







But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity" , "anti-nuclear" activists come

out against the Government's decision.





Human chains are formed and 'Rasta rokos' organized.



In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning

the government and mentioning



"Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".



On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning.







Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed

wind blowing over Rajasthan.



Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.



A missile (smuggled from USA ) is pressed into service.







Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software,

it hits it original destination: Russia.



Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a

nuclear missile towards Islamabad .







The missile hits the target and creates havoc.



Pakistan cries for help.







India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million

dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.



Thus India never gets to launch the missile...!! !

ലോലു

ലോലു വിശുദ്ധ നാട് സന്ദര്‍ശിക്കാന്‍ പോയി..

എല്ലാ സന്തോഷത്തിനും ഒരു പരിധി ഉണ്ടല്ലോ ?
ഇവിടെയും അങ്ങനെ തന്നെ ,കൂടെ ഭാര്യയും അമ്മായി അമ്മയും ..

അവിടെ വച്ച് ലോലു വിന്‍റെ അമ്മായി അമ്മ മരിച്ചു ..പാവം ലോലു എന്താ ചെയ്യുക ഭാഷയും അറിയില്ല എന്താ ചെയ്യേണ്ടേ എന്നും അറിയില്ല .. അവസാനം വഴിയില്‍ വച്ച് കണ്ട ഒരാളുടെ കാല് പിടിച്ചു ..

അവന്‍ ലോലുവിനെ ഒരു മലയാളിയെ പരിചയപെടുത്തി .ആളു പാലക്കാരന്‍ തന്നെ ചാക്കോച്ചന്‍ .പുള്ളിക്കാരനോട് അനേഷിച്ചു കഴിഞ്ഞപ്പോള്‍ ആണ് അറിയുന്നെ മരിച്ച ആളെ വിശുദ്ധ നാട്ടില്‍ അടക്കം ചെയ്യാന്‍ $150 ഉള്ളു എന്നാല്‍ നാട്ടിലോട്ടു കൊണ്ട് പോകണമെങ്കില്‍ $1000 കൊടുക്കണം ..



കുറച്ചു ആലോചിച്ചിട്ട് ലോലു പറഞ്ഞു നാട്ടിലോട്ടു കൊണ്ട് പോകാം ..ഭാര്യ ഉള്‍പെടെ എല്ലാരും ഞെട്ടി ..അടുത്ത് മുറിയില്‍ പുറത്തേക്കു നോക്കി നില്‍ക്കുന്ന ലോലുവിന്റെ അടുത്ത് ചെന്ന നമ്മുടെ ചാക്കോച്ചന്‍ പറഞ്ഞു ..

ഹോ എന്‍റെ ലോലു നിന്നെ പോലെ നല്ല ഒരു ചെറുപ്പക്കാരനെ ഈ കാലത്ത് കാണാന്‍ പോലും കിട്ടില്ല .സ്വന്തം മക്കള് പോലും ഇങ്ങനെ ഒന്നും ചെയില്ല പിന്നെ അല്ലേ മരുമോനായ നീ .

അപ്പോള്‍ ലോലു ചുറ്റും നോക്കിട്ടു പതുക്കെ പുള്ളിക്കാരനോട് പറഞ്ഞു :


ചേട്ടാ അത്ര നല്ലവന്‍ ആയതു കൊണ്ട് ഒന്നും അല്ല..ദേ നോക്കിക്കേ എവിടെ 2000 വര്ഷം മുന്‍പ് കര്‍ത്താവിനെ അടക്കിയിട്ടു പുള്ളി മൂന്നാം ദിവസം പുല്ലു പോലെ എണിറ്റു പോന്നു ..എനിക്ക് റിസ്ക്‌ എടുക്കാന്‍ മേല ചേട്ടാ ..

this is called Understanding

A wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her
husband:

"Buy me a surprise for my birthday" she said. "Something that
accelerates from 0 to 80 in 4 seconds".... ..." And I would prefer a

blue one please"!

Happy and excited she was counting down the days for her birthday.

And finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully
bought...... .......

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A Blue Coloured Weighing Machine

Beggar

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs.10 and that Continues for a
year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7.50

"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."

A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.

"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor.

"First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7,50 and now only Rs. 5. What's
the problem?"

"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very
expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to
university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."

"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.

"Four," the man replies.

"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my
expense."

Fishing Mirror

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small

boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box

and take out a mirror. Being curious, the man rowed over and

asked, "What is the mirror for?"


"That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine

the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of

sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just

reach down and net them and pull them into the boat."

"Wow! Does that really work?"

"You bet it does."

"Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you

$30 for it."

"Well, okay."

After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By

the way, how many fish have you caught this week?"

"You're the sixth," he said.

Never Be Over Smart...

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked at door,
 A lady opened it. Before she could speak,the salesman rushed into the living room & emptied a bag of cow shit on the carpet: Ohhhhhhhhhh

 Salesman:
 Madam,if Im unable to clean this up with my new powerful vacuum cleaner in next 10 sec, i'll EAT all this Shiit

Lady:
 Do U need Chilli Sauce with that shit ?

Salesman:why?

Lady:
Because there's no electricity in the house


 MORAL:

Never Be Over Smart...

Facts we don't know..!!

1.Coca-Cola was originally green.

2 The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
 
3 The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with.

4 . The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

5 . There are two credit cards for every person in the United States .

6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!

8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath ..

9. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

10. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you Sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

11 . It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

12 . The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to Suppress a sneeze; you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

14 . Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from History. "Spades" - King David; "Clubs" - Alexander the Great; " Hearts" - Charlemagne; "Diamonds" - Julius Caesar.

15.
11 x 11=121
111 x111=12321
1111x1111=1234321
11111x11111= 123454321
111111x111111= 12345654321
1111111x1111111= 1234567654321
111111111x111111111 =123456787654321
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

16. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

17 What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.

18. Honey - This is the only food that doesn't spoil.

19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

20. A snail can sleep for three years.

21. All polar bears are left handed.

22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

23 . Butterflies taste with their feet.

24 Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

25 . In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

26 . On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

27 . Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

29. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

31 . The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

32 Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

34 . The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

35. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

36 . Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different

Too Many Fires

A new firefighter was being trained by an old fire chief.

"How would you react if a sudden fire flared up on the front of the building?" asked the fire chief.

"Break out a fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.

"How would you react if another fire flared up in the back of the building?" asked the fire chief.

"Break out another fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.

"And if another huge fire flared up in the basement, how would you react?" asked the fire chief.

"Break out another fire hose." answered the new firefighter.

"Now wait a minute, son," said the fire chief. "Where are all these fire hoses coming from?"

The new firefighter answered, "The same place where all of the fires are coming from, chief."

Cup Holder

Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it.

The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

3 Blondes

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become
detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he
only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh.. .that's because the
picture shows his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture
for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect,
how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too
easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily
responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and
one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his side profile!! Is
that the best answer you can come up
with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third
blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would
you recognize him?" He quickly adds"... think hard before giving me a
stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says,
"Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised
and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect
wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here
for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on
that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in
his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does
in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such
an astute observation?

"That's easy," the blonde replied.
"He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.

Where Is God ?

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively
mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"